What life lesson do you wish you'd learned earlier?

I wish I had been capable of learning earlier than age 26 that freedom, strength and bliss is found in total honesty and vulnerability. I remember clearly the night before the Columbia shuttle break up on atmosphere reentry February 1st 2003, my wife and I took a private weekend in Addison Texas. We stayed in a hotel and created a life altering spiritual experience for each other. We shared completely and honestly about anything and everything we were previously afraid to reveal. I shared my deepest darkest secret. My secret was that I had slept with an ex girlfriend (good bye sex) about one month after my wife and I had gotten together. It was something that tore me apart and kept me bringing a torn up piece of myself to our relationship. I thought that what she did not know would not hurt her. That may have been true; however, I knew… and it was tearing me apart. What really did hurt my wife is that I chose to lie to her about the truth, that I was unable to be totally honest about the incident for the preceding 5 years. Besides, my energy and her intuition told her the truth of the matter long before I vocalized the truth. She knew. What was interesting, funny even, is that she did the exact same thing with her ex boyfriend when she went to get the last of her things from their shared apartment. My intuition did not pick up on this. I must have been too wrapped up. I guess that it is true and this may be the clearest lesson… that which I cause another to experience, I too will experience. Another way of expressing the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

That moment of total honesty allowed us to see into each others souls. We frequently blow the whistle on our selves these days. It can be tough and perhaps very painful to acknowledge and accept; however, I have learned that there is another great reward for being a forgiving and accepting being.

Forgiveness and acceptance. These practices that I did not truly experience fully until recently. These practices are my keys to living in Heaven on Earth or a Living Hell right now. I have strongly experience both sides of this polarity. I spent much time in my own self created and perpetuated prison of living hell with great resistance to events and ideas. Being right about the way I see it. Resisting and having attachment are incredible unconscious practices that I became well versed in and I watched me destroy me from with in. Finding the beauty in forgiving and accepting when my feet are in the fire may still be my greatest practice to cultivate and strengthen. The reward is clear.

These lessons are like many if not all lessons in my life. The knowledge of the lesson was always there from my beginning; however, I did not recognize or practice them in a manner in which I could have a personal experience or testimony of it. As my favorite dharma teacher Gil Fronsdal says, I was only reading the menu (knowledge) without ever tasting the food (experience gained in practice).

I also learned recently what true love is. True love wants for another what they want for themselves. It is the grandest selfless act. This is especially challenging and rewarding when what another wants may be diametrically opposed to what I want to experience. Anything thing else, is self-serving distorted version of love. I have seen in our society that our populist version of love is nothing more than a bartering; “I’ll give you this if you give me that”. Remove the “if then” statement and we may be on the way collectively learning a great deal about love.