To "BE". To know myself, everyone and everything else as the Beloved...as One.         

To expound on this state of being-ness is to say that I am free from attachment, judgment, expectation, striving, etc... not minding what happens. Or, as Ram Dass puts it, to cultivate my own self awareness so that there is nothing in me keeping anyone else stuck in whatever they are stuck in.

I am caught by the word "Try". Try is another way to say I am committed unless "X". "Try" neuters anything it is associated with. We use this word "try" to give ourselves a back door and a pat on the back for not putting forth effort, giving up, and selling out. One doesn't "try" to do a thing. Try equates to non action.

"Do or do not... there is no try."-Yoda. Try is a fiction. Yes, yoda is a fiction; however the wisdom still is.  

One does not "try" to walk, pick up a pen, open a door, or love.

This notion of try is precisely the virus we are infected with.

We think that try exists.

We think that if we say we tried, we get to get off the hook.

Look at our world... this is what try has created.

If I "try" to make my marriage work this simply implies that at some point I am willing to allow some circumstance to be greater than my ability to love. .

If I "try" to loose weight this simply implies that at some point I am willing to allow some circumstance to be greater than my ability to care for myself.

If I "try" to be a good parent this simply implies that at some point I am willing to allow some circumstance to be greater than my ability to care for my child.

Try is another way to say I am committed unless "X"

A great man was once crucified for being a great example of living and loving beyond try. He showed what level of love is possible.

The following story is one of unconditional love...

-

The story took place during Alexander the Great's reign over the Asian Empire. The lieutenants of Alexander's army were out scouting the countryside, forcing all the religious factions to pledge their allegiance to the Empire. Upon their return, the lieutenants reported to their general that everyone had pledged allegiance except for one little monk who lived high in a mountain village. Enraged, the general donned his armor and rode his horse at top speed the 150 miles to the village where he found the little monk meditating under a tree.

He jumped off his horse, clattered over to the monk, and looked down on him. "Do you realize WHO I AM? Do you know that I could draw my sword and cut off your head without blinking an eye?"

The little monk looked up at the ferocious, pompous general with compassion. "And do you know who I am? Do you know that I could have you to draw your sword and cut off my head, without blinking my eye?"

-

There is no room for try. Love will not truly blossom in the realm of try.

So do I try to love unconditionally? Yes, I try. One day I believe that the unconditional love I AM will be fully realized.

As trusted friend:, my wife Linda, Tim, Steven, Blaine, Mother, Uncle Patrick, Jamsmine  

Counselor: life coach Bernie, life coach Erich, Ann, trainer Sylvia, trainer Michael Strasner,

Teachers: Ram Dass, Gil Fronsdal, Deepak Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, David Deida, Neal Donald Walsh, Tony Horton, Jamal Robinson, Daughter Zoe.  

Today I connected to intuitive feeling that has been growing forever I imagine and has become more noticeable over the last two months. I felt first hand the I AM-ness in a way that I haven't before. I will use a blend of scripture, talks and physics to connect the dots.

What all this has culminated to is the awareness that I AM the space, the fertile field, the void.

The power that IS, the power that creates the space for matter exists is the power or force that I am referring to.

I am not my body, I AM the space inside and around that allows my body to manifest in physical form. This holds true for me of a blade of grass. I am not the blade of grass, I AM the space, the void that allows the blade of grass to BE.

I am not the breath; I AM the space giving life to the breath.

I am not my body; I AM the void giving form to my flesh.

I am not the forest; I AM the fertile field allowing fragrant blossoms.

I am not the Earth; I AM the emptiness that formed and cradles her.

I am not the Universe, I AM...

Many of the words of Jesus point to this experience.

"The Kingdom of Heaven is within you."

"Be in the world but not of it."

"Be still and know that I am God."

"You must be born from above."

"Abide in me, as I abide in you."

Each of these is a pointer to the I AM-ness I refer to.

Ram Dass, giving a talk in 1996, illustrated this I AM-ness with great humor. He asked, "What should I do today? Well I think I'll become a speaker and an audience and go hear myself." Later on he states "We are all God in drag."

Shifting to a scientific lens, discoveries in Dark Energy and Dark Matter and Zero Point Fields tell the same story. http://www.enlightennext.org/magazine/directory/cosmology.asp  

This speaks to me of Oneness. We are all, all of it. We are all I AM.

I am reminded now of the Mayan calendar, prophecy and predictions for our very near future. The predication that collectively, we will all come to know each one of us is I AM, the space giving life to all that is.

    

  

   

Remembering that I AM and that everyone else is I AM too.
http://transformationthrulove.gaia.com/blog/2009/2/i_am_the_fertile_field_the_void_dark_energy_zero-point_fields

The music my wife and I create, play and sing when we are together.

I spent this morning following up on the process of awakening Kundalini within me. I am beginning a new form of mediation for me called Chakra Meditation Bhuta Shuddhi as directed by Swami Jnaneshvara Bharati (http://www.swamij.com/)

I feel that I have had two instances of spontaneous Kundalini energy awakening in my life. I seek to master this energy.  

Yesterday I had the experience of opening my third eye. It was very, unexpected yet clear.
 
I look forward to reading about what others have to share and have experienced in this realm.       

 Jesus tops my list at the moment having just read Deepak Chopra's "Third Jesus". The individual he describes is the same figure I have created for myself over the last few years. Deepak put scriptural references and timelines to the description that I had not researched.  

I see Jesus as a human being absolutely aware of the whole mystery and our collective inherent divinity. I see him as an eastern sage on a western stage.

Jesus is the example of what is possible when we live radically from love and compassion knowing ourselves as spiritual beings all the while not forgetting our mental and material components. I believe, and therefore have much evidence, that the consciousness he illustrated is now returning to the Earth through us.

He would have been a riot to hang out with.       

I have been challenged to make a list of ten things I experience as imperfect, twisted or stupid take them one at a time and feel the feeling in my body that is attached to that item or idea. Then shift perspective to acceptance of the same things and notice my body again. To me this is an exercise in alchemy or non duality. For example one can bask in the sun and one can also get burned by the sun to a crisp. It is not a matter of the sun being good or bad. It is in the context of the experience. The sun just IS.

• 1. Consumer Debt
• 2. Western Health and Fitness
• 3. My cat that poops on the carpet
• 4. My garage and storage unit filled with clutter
• 5. Non compliant coaching clients
• 6. My parents
• 7. Violent entertainment
• 8. Media bias
• 9. Dishonesty
• 10. Crime

To Be Continued...

Currently I have been entertaining illusions of the future based on painful memories from the past.  One ignited the other.

I am on the precipice of an encounter a life time in the making with nearly a year of intense focus around the nature of the encounter. I am curious what this encounter will reveal about me in the spirit of, "Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him to himself."

I notice that spending time in a psychological future tense pulls me away from the harmony and peace of what is here and now. I also notice that spending time in psychological past memories pulls me and harmony away from each other.

Last night I connected with a practice of shifting my perspective or extricating my awareness to a point beyond me and looking back upon myself, the situation and circumstances of the moment. The result was powerful. At the moment I began to notice myself getting wrapped up in future illusions or past memories I took my awareness camera and zoomed my awareness out of my physical body and took in the whole scene. I then became "him" instead of "I". I became the subject being watched by myself as an observer. I doing so I instantly became present in the here and now. All illusions and memories fled.                

I then asked myself if this practice could keep me from avoiding and dealing with pain that needs healing. I think so. I think there is a place for this practice. In fact as I shift to this perspective now I must ask myself, "Do I like the scene that I am observing?" "Am I engaged in an activity that supports me being who and what I say I am?" "Are my time and energy being spent wisely?"

I get the sense that I am literally watching over myself.

Now that I am a Dad, I feel as if I have been preparing to be a Dad this entire lifetime.

I enjoy being a Dad by becoming childlike, making silly noises and singing sillier impromptu songs about wet and stinky diapers.

I enjoy the experiences of all her first experiences as she navigates the awe, beauty and pains of the natural world. I dissolve into joy watching her laugh and run with total abandon. I am attentive to her essence of total freedom unencumbered by the need to appear to anyone in a way other than her simple authentic self. To me, my daughter is a wise sage in diapers who I pay very close attention to for glimpses of how close to spirit she still is. She has nothing to prove, is free from bias, free from fear, she knows no judgment, and she has no expectation or attachment. I am experiencing the nature of Christ's perspective on honoring the essence of children.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

She is still dwelling in a state of consciousness that to me is Heaven. In this, she is my mentor in being childlike myself.   

I enjoy being a Dad by experimenting with and preparing foods. Salmon and broccoli are a magical combination. Quinoa and red pepper soup are not.

I enjoy learning about what is known about learning and receptivity in children. I recently read the Tipping Point and discovered the methods and philosophy behind the success of Sesame Street and how Blues Clues used what worked on Sesame Street to create a show that proved to be the best show ever in regard to having children learn and remember. Before that, I enjoyed learning and applying something called Dunston baby language. A method for understanding the cries of an infant.

I am enjoying learning sign language with her and am honored that she calls me "puppy" and signs accordingly by patting her leg with her hand.

I enjoy listening to her talk to her self through the wall form the next room imagining the depth of what is going on at many different levels.

I even enjoy getting pissed off and upset with her. It is in these moments I can realize that I am out of harmony and attached to the way I think things ought to be vs. how they are. I enjoy watching her learn and display control mechanisms that are a testament to her power to enroll others in her will. And it is fun to be still and watch her efforts to manipulate dissolve in their ineffectiveness.

I recently came across this poem that spoke to me of parenthood...

Woman With Flower

I wouldn't coax the plant if I were you.
Such watchful nurturing may do it harm.
Let the soil rest from so much digging
And wait until it's dry before you water it.
The leaf's inclined to find its own direction;
Give it a chance to seek the sunlight for itself.

Much growth is stunted by too careful prodding,
Too eager tenderness.
The things we love we have to learn to leave alone.

Bitter sweet.

I am divided between a condor and a tree. A condor for the experience of flowing flight. A tree for the stillness and receptivity.

I search on various levels for different "things", holding the word things lightly. One one level I am with relaxed attention awaiting any sprouting weeds of intolerance, judgment, attachment, expectation, self importance, etc... When they sprout I look to pull them up as quickly as possible. I alslo search within to feel the essence of my own nature my authentic, divine, higher self. Of late much of my meditation is focused on searching the space or void behind my material body which allows me to be in form. I am also searching for connection to my energy centers and kundilini. I am finding a chakra meditation from swami j very useful. Yesterday while driving home I felt my breath in a manner only experiencedonce before while under the influence of herb. I connect this experience with the attention that has been given to the energy centers of my body as of late.

 See this article first.

http://whatmormonslike.blogspot.com/2008/11/mormons-dont-like-coke-or-do-they.html

This is a great example at how the principle or overall wisdom gets lost in the rules. This is how I understand the principle: A healthy body leads to the higher states of physical well being... leading to higher states of emotional well being...  leading to higher states of spiritual well being... leading to an elevated overall vibration, life experience, ability to love and serve.

Many individuals have not cultivated the skill of listening to their bodies and recognizing the wisdom of adhering to and the harmony derived from embodying the principle. These individuals create and grasp on to rules and list that attempt to substitute for the principle. It has been my experience that many who miss the principle and fixate on the "rules" become self righteous in this endeavor of polarizing what is good vs. bad. In becoming self righteous, acceptance is lost and compassion and openness is no longer expressed openly to those not following the "rules".

An image comes to mind of an obese woman who abhors Coke and scorns all those who partake of it and yet she compulsively eats, is addicted to numerous pharmaceuticals, has cardio vascular disease, watches four hours of TV a day and sees her self as powerless to do anything about her condition. She has grabbed on to one rule all the while destroying her body.     

It is my experience that those that do understand the principles and can listen to their bodies have the greatest impact on others by BEING and LIVING the principle themselves without sermonizing, judgment or expectation of others to do the same. Universal Truth is self evident and needs no defense. Those that are ready to understand and live the principle will seek out those they experience as BEING and LIVING the principle.

Of course, this goes way beyond the word of wisdom...              

From SRI SRI Founder of the Art Of Living. http://us.artofliving.org/index.html
I  appreciate the simplicity and eloquence with which self/god are shared. -Josh

SRI SRI:  The one beyond Self is God; first reach till the Self at least. The difference between Self and God is just like the Wave and the Ocean. Can there be a wave without the ocean?
 
You cannot make God an object of your sight. If you make it then it is no more God. You can live God, can be God, but you cannot see or perceive God as an object which gives you the path.   What is God?  What is not God? What is the definition of God, if there is one? The moment you define by a word you already have a concept about it.
 
What do you think is God?   You describe it as that which is everywhere; which is all-powerful; which is responsible for this creation, for its maintenance, and for its dissolution; which is Omnipresent, Omnipotent, and Omniscient.

You say ''I want to see God'' and when you want to see God as something, as an object, then it's not everywhere. The moment you see God, there is a distance between you and God; then you are not God. You want to see God, and this wanting to see God as separate from you is again an illusion; and if you are seeing God, then God is not omnipresent!

Like love is felt in the heart, so is God's presence. You cannot see air, but you simply feel the air. You cannot see heat or cold, but you just feel it.
 
So in the same way God cannot be seen. If you see God, then He is outside there; He is away from you and isolated. God is never an object of isolation. God is the sum total.
 
When you meditate, you become one with God. You are God.So, God is to be felt in the depth of your heart. In deep meditation when your mind is still, calm, hollow and empty, you suddenly feel, ''I am not there. There is only one big existence.'' So, don't worry about God.
 
First know yourself then you also know what is God, almost simultaneously. 
Who are you? Do you know about yourself? Just find out about yourself first.    If you think you are just the body, it is not possible, because body has its limitations. If you think you are the mind, that's also not possible because mind has its limitation, it's another layer. If you know that you are Silence or you are Space, then it is possible.
 
God is also Space. Space is God. Can you see space separately?
 
When we start listening to our heart then we know that all is one and all is God.
 
GOD stands for Generator, Operator and Destroyer.
The present moment has generated;
the present moment is operating;
and the present moment destroyed the past.
 
So, you are in God and, God is in you!  

Not a need but useful to learn to "not mind what happens". To live in radical acceptance. Uncondiational love.

Not learn, remember to BE unconditional love.

I have learned this week to better notice un-useful thoughts as they arise and pull them out like weeds from a garden. My success rate in this practice is growing. I have no basis by which to attempt to put percentile figure. I have many negative thoughts that still escape my gardening tools. I have learned some time ago that I become ungrounded when I get excited and get ahead of myself. I am noticing more quickly this week when I fall into this place. I can also refer to this space as a spiritual egotism or spiritual materialism wherein my ego uses spiritual context to prop itself up and appear important. When I notice myself going here or already having arrived here my best action is to be still, be quiet

 

What have you learned or experienced new this week?

I have learned this week to better notice un-useful thoughts as they arise and pull them out like weeds from a garden. My success rate in this practice is growing. I have no basis by which to attempt to put percentile figure. I have many negative thoughts that still escape my gardening tools. I have learned some time ago that I become ungrounded when I get excited and get ahead of myself. I am noticing more quickly this week when I fall into this place. I can also refer to this space as a spiritual egotism or spiritual materialism wherein my ego uses spiritual context to prop itself up and appear important. When I notice myself going here or already having arrived here my best action is to be still, be quiet.

I experienced humbling forgiveness today. I saw my uncle Jim for the first time in 15 years. When I last saw him I was hiding my cousin / his daughter Christi who ran away from their home in California. Jim came from California to my parents home to interrogate me about where I was helping her hide. I was belligerent, hostile and combative. I was being a punk ass bitch. I made my apologies to Jim through my aunt Sandy by phone several years ago; however, I had not seen or talked to Jim personally.

Today I connected with Jim in a collective effort to help my grandmother move to Jim and Sandy's home in California. Upon arrival, I got out of my car and asked for forgiveness. Jim instantly welcomed me with a hug, "ah you were and stupid kid.". Yes, I was.

I also experienced the truth of the wisdom, "As I change the way I see things, the things I see change."

Minor concerns?

The person that has been apart of the greatest pain and suffering in my life is coming to visit before he goes to Afghanistan. My concern is that I get caught in illusions and memories of the past and bring them into the present clouding my perspective with unreal images and fear. He will be here on Friday and staying for 5 days. This is an experience in forgiveness, acceptance and trust. *I went to bed in the middle of writing this note and I see this morning that the degree of vulnerability required on my behalf in what is about to occur is magnanimous. I noticed me talking to myself and planning out exactly how I'll act and what I'll do when he arrives. I then noticed that all this planning and imagining was taking place in psychological future time which was taking me away form the present moment. All the self talk was doing was creating a protective barrier around me in hopes of insulating and heading off any discomfort. This is precisely the place I get to when I get ahead of myself. What I needed was to stop, be still, stop thinking and planning and trying to create ways to be seen as cleaver. My wife said something to me that had me stop in my tracks. In this moment I noticed all the head chatter was trying to keep me protected. The chatter was helping me to build a wall around my insecurity and fear where this person brings up for me. When I stopped the thinking and head chatter what was left was a huge fear that I was forced to acknowledge and be with. I began to weep. I realized in that moment the degree to which the bullshit I create in my head is keeping me from healing the hurt and pain in me associated with this person and circumstances of the past. There is a song that comes to mind I don't know the title but lines that echo in my head, "no way over it, no way around it. If we want it, we have to go thru it." I my being cleaver and wanting to appear tough I am doing myself a great disservice. It is in being vulnerable, quite and still that I will be the essence that is necessary to create the healing that needs to occur in me, my wife and this visitor. As the Tao Te Ching states, I will be wisest trusting that when I "do nothing, I leave nothing undone."

   

What are you excited about?

I am excited about the same. I love the quote, "Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him to himself." This experience will allow me to reveal to myself who I really am or have become in regard to forgiveness, acceptance and trust.

Major concerns?

None.

Who do you get to be to handle it all?

I get to be vulnerable, still, intentional, aware, present, open, and compassionate. I get to be the watcher of myself and govern my reactivity with grace.  

First I have to decide on my purpose. At present I connect with my purpose to become free and rooted in divine consciousness. If I am present, I notice that everything that I am presented with is a vehicle through which I am offered an opportunity to elevate and expand consciousness, know myself, and merge with the infinite.

This process includes everything, there is no-thing that is not apart of this process.  

Several themes all in the service of divine self mastery: Stillness, Silence, Extracting Awareness, and Yielding

Stillness. The more still the more heightened my awareness.   

Silence. My mouth is the gate keeper of my soul. I practice speaking with intention and saying as little as possible.

Extracting Awareness. Moving my awareness out of my body allows me to be a third party observer of myself and circumstances.

Yielding. Not needing to defend, convince, or enroll. Allow others to be where they are. Becoming a field of transparency. Having nothing in me creating more difficulty for anyone or anything else.

Oh my!

Every past entry has dealt with a myriad of aspects concerning the nature of love. To summarize the entire contents of my online and handwritten journals is to express that I am still learning what the essence of love is. My glimpses are more frequent, longer and clearer; however, anything that I can know or learn about love is not love but a pointer to love.

I am inspired and guided to be love to dwell in the void where all is one and on this channel or from this perspective I AM all of it... everyone and everything. There is no separation except that created by my ego. Love is the power that is behind all of it.

I AM LOVE.       

The Void.

Awareness.

I'll illustrate flourishing as a process of plant growth. Healthy growth inspired by nurturing warm light illuminating a graceful and effortless ballet. All the while, keeping in perspective the toil of working of the soil, planting of good seed, and appreciating the storms of wind and rain that provided the necessary sustenance for the plant. I imagine a long leafed stem arcing to the sky presenting a perfect blossom soon to be the fruit containing the evidence of all the events and circumstances that have led to this beautiful present moment.   

I'll remove the word "right" and ask the question again. "How do you know when you're on the path?"

This is evidenced by my knowing first that a path exists. All else is a process of watching myself with awareness as the path unfolds. Whether the experience is enjoyable or difficult is determined by the amount of resistance, acceptance, denial, contraction or compassion I bring to the path in any given moment.   

I regret nothing. To regret anything is to give credence to the distrust of what I experience as divine perfection in all things, events, and circumstances. The only thing that can ever be out of balance is me in relation to the divine dance. Thinking thoughts of regret are evidence that I am out of balance which is the vehicle and the starting point for becoming in harmony again.

Two months ago I wrote and shared my thoughts and experiences with my men's group about my relationship with coffee and porn

(http://transformationthrulove.gaia.com/blog/2008/12/coffee_and_porn)

The message in the entry festered for the last two months among the consciousness of the group. Yesterday one of the men in the group opened up about an addiction to porn and adult arcades in the space created. Evidently the space was safe enough for him to reveal and let go of his deepest darkest secrets. More issues of desiring and lacking intimacy in his marriage and seeking it from other relationships and alternative means also surfaced. In honor of his courage and vulnerability the rest of the men in attendance shared their deepest and most embarrassing part of their history.

This evening was a testament to the healing created by vulnerability and radical honesty.      

Lance worked for the post office. He switched routes to come visit me while he delivered us mail. I remember him processing our street including my house and then moving on to complete the street. I was doing dishes while this occurred. I was behind blinds that were closed. I followed Lance’s progress by sound.

I could tell he was nearly done with the other side of the street. I went outside and noticed that the sky was very dark like the sun was being eclipsed. Lance and I had to find each other by sound it was too dark to see. I noticed an eerie quite similar to other dreams in the past. A complete and total other worldly stillness. Stars were beginning to become visible in the sky. I then noticed while looking up that seven or so stars, comets, whatever, began hurdling toward earth. I ran for cover in the house. Lance did not follow immediately. One of these objects hit just behind the house. A huge blue green explosion followed. In just moments I noticed the sky beginning to change. The atmosphere disappeared and suddenly I could see into space and feel the earth moving out of its orbit. We were moving at a great speed. I saw us pull away from the earth below us and the space around us was filled with brilliant blues and greens like cosmic lava. The house became our vehicle thru which we traveled to some place. I went and got Zoe from her room and very matter-of-factly asked Lance to take care of her if I did not make it thru whatever was happening and vice versa with his kids.

Suddenly we landed in a back yard pool and were greeted by a woman who apparently expected us. I asked here what kind of experience we were now involved in. She said one where we can choose.

We followed her to a door leading inside a house. There was a stair case that was rotated forward meaning that the stairs defied gravity and one had to trust the stairs to allow one to traverse them. To walk upside down was required like in the famous M.C. Escher painting. I watched as our host went up the stairs. Then several people came down. I noticed one of them was a Tonya Harkins from high school. I managed to figure out the stairs and arrived at a floor where many people were cleaning. I came to a room where the host was cleaning and stacking bags and things in one corner of the room. I began to help.

I awoke.

Truth. Words can point to but are not really truth.